Day Three of Sobriety and Celibacy

(continued from The Fast)

The world is a painful place. I learned long ago how to dull that pain by immersing myself in other ways. Now I face the world as is. I must say, I wish life was softer to me. Facing reality drunk and out of your mind is hard enough. I never thought I would wake up and see the world with out the film that built up over my eyes. Now I face the world coherent. It isn't pleasant. Today the supermarket had in my face bicardi, eggnog flavored rum and bottles of wine. I walked pass them trying not to be sucked in by my desires. Yesterday I was offered a drink. Painfully I had to decline. Then worse, because simply avoiding alcohol is never good enough, people start asking questions. Then I try and answer them, evasive as usual. I guess people know me all to well. They poke and prod until I tell them, "hey, I'm not drinking anymore." My friends are gasp when they hear that. It seems my reputation for being a the best most spontaneous drunk has flat-lined. No longer the life of the party. A dear friend said, "don't worry it wont last long." I grind my teeth at that. I would bit my thumb at thee if I dared.

Sex. Wow. Crappy word. To those uneducated it has been the biggest let down of my entire life. Why is it so great? Why do men seek sexual conquest? It is beyond me. Every time I make a quip about how terrible it usually is, some one has to remark, you're just not doing it right. Allow me to laugh, you are so clever. No actually, sex ruins 90% of my relationships. Time to face the facts. Looking forward to sex will only let you down. Pornography, masturbation and googling at women will only make it hurt worse. Here is why, at least, in my opinion. When I stare at what is described to me as sexy women, I begin to feel like I itemize their body parts. In a relationship, you cannot do that. It makes you a pervert and your partner begins to feel inadequate. Giving yourself the low five as a relaxation technique is humerus, however has led to terrible problems in my life. Women often have to told me they cannot please me. They try for hours and nothing happens. The sad thing is, I spend more time with myself than they do. So who do you think it prefers? Me. Sad day. The only person who can please yourself is you. So why even be in a relationship? Maybe I should refresh some memories but who has yet to get a virus on their computer while looking up pornography? If you have not, feel free to brag about it. Go ahead. I have broken three computers in my life time.

So my girlfriend left me. Boo hoo, cry your eyes out. Its over. Why? Because I am an idiot. Do not do illegal activities in front of your favorite christian girl. She will get scared, she will get angry and she will leave your sorry excuse butt. Lesson's harder lesson learned. It is what inspired me to fast to begin with. It was what saved me. Usually Jesus as seen as a parachute. You only need it in emergencies. You hope you never have to use it (source from C.S Lewis btw). Great, nice relationship you have with christ. When do we all cry out to god? When the plane is about to crash or when the burglar yells this is  a hostage situation. Yeah, argue, I dare you. The point is, if everything in your life is going good why do you need god? I thank the good book for pointing out the exact opposite and obvious. Christians usually fall under BUSY (or being under satan's yoke). Life is so good you turn to god only when bad things happen. I was living a different life, if you read The Fast you can recall I had no happiness in life. Everything was terrible. I was alone, mentally split and tired from never sleeping. God took a different approach. He brought a perfect angel into my life. Suddenly I was feeling the same crazy emotions my cat feels when he is around the new little princess kitty. I was a bad ass, so was he. We shifted environments and now we are no longer the kings of our turf. Instead, we look like shams. Now the female cat wants nothing to do with my cat and he can't figure out a way to make her like him. I held her attention for a two weeks but then she realized what a liar, hypocrite and horrible person I was. And so she ran. So I am left with, wow, my world was turned upside down, I actually saw hope, light, the possibility of happiness! Something that wasn't shrouded in mystery or wreathed in gloom, despair or worse agony. This girl was as different to my life my night was to her day. I tasted paradise and lost it.

So here I am again. Three hard days of choosing christ over me. Thanks again for all the support and prayers you all have given me. Without my fellowship I would surely fall. God loves to work through people and again I am reminded how the work is many but the workers are few.

Valkry

Cp: 4 (max 10, +1/10 lv)

Combo Slots: 1 (max 4, +1 /15 lv)

Power: (STR + SKL x10) =140

Ranged: (DEX + SKL x10) =150

Accuracy: (STR + WSD X5) = 60

Critical Strike: (SKL + INT x%) =9%

Strike: (SKL + SPD /10) =1.1

Defense: +Armor

Evasion: (DEX + SPD x2 +dodge bonus) =28

Resistance: (INT + WSD x3) =21

Strength: lv 8 (+1 every even lv +1/3 lv)

Dexterity: lv 9 (+1 every odd lv +1/3 lv)

Skill:  lv 6 (+1/5 lv +1/10 lv)

Speed: lv 5 (also base move) (+1/4 lv +1/15 lv)

Intellect: lv 3 (+1/10 lv +1/20 lv)

Wisdom: lv 4 (+1/9 lv +1/18 lv)

Stamina:  lv 5(+15x Hp) (+1/2 lv +1/3 lv +1/10 lv)

Base Hp: 100 per lv. In the Valkry’s case starting hp is 900 + (stamina 5x15) = 975. Base hp increases by the lv amount x1. So lv 2 Base Hp would be 909 + Stamina.

Cp: Combo Points

Power: Represents damage dealt with melee. Base Power + Weapon Power = Damage (mitigated by armor)

Ranged: The following is true for power. Ranged is based on attacks not in melee.

Accuracy:  This number ranges by 10 points negative and positive for variable chances to hit with attacks. If the number does not equal or surpass Evasion the attack is dodged. Resulting in a miss, no damage.

Critical Strike: The Valkry has x2 damage with critical hits. The percent incurs when how often a critical strike will happen with each attack.

Strike: The amount of normal attacks made each round.  Notice the modifier is one tenth Skill plus Speed. The decimal is listed because it is added until it reaches a whole number resulting in an extra strike.

Defense: is mostly based on the armor class the character is wearing. The number listed is the real amount of damage reduced from each attack. If the armor exceeds the attack power the attack is a resulted in a hit but 0 damage.

Evasion: The number determines the ability to dodge an attack. Dodge bonus is 1% increase for every  1 point of weight not encumbering a character. The Valkry has 10 Wgt to be distributed and any unused points go to the dodge bonus. A Valkry carrying lighter weapons and shields can move out of harm’s way faster.

Resistance: This number is the real amount of damage reduced from magical attacks. If resistance exceeds the attack power the attack is resulted in a hit but 0 damage.

Speed: Determines the character’s turn order.  The highest speed going first.

Move: Is also determined by speed. Starting level speed determines Base Move. Move increase plus 1/10 of speed.

Growth: Notice modifiers are different per class. The Valkry has exceptional damage and stamina modifiers. Every level divisible by number increases by 1 point. Also note possible additional overlaps. The status is increased by an additional point per. Example of stamina growth (* +2, **+3): 2, 3, 4, 6*, 8, 9, 10*, 12*, 14, 15, 18*, 20*, 21, 22, 24*, 26, 27, 28, 30**

Armor: Cloth Lv 1, Leather Lv 2, Studded Lv 3, Scale Lv 4, Chain Lv 5, Plate lv 6. Cloth leans towards magical properties, least amount of armor and least amount of weight. Plate on the opposite spectrum has the most armor and weight.  Studded and Scale have the most equal traits however Studded is more magical and scale is more practical with armor.

Accessories: Cape is worn on back all classes can wear it. Belt is important for components that need to be accessed during combat, all classes can wear it.  Armlet offer armor protection around the forearms and wrists designed for melee classes, takes the place of two rings. Rings offer magical protection, cannot be combined with armlets. Scarf offers some armor protection, designed for melee classes. Necklace offer magical protection, cannot be combined with scarves.

Valkry Equipment:

Plate Helm Lv 4-6

Plate Mail Lv 4-6

Plate Greaves Lv 4-6

Cape, Belt, Armlet (x2)

Scarf/necklace

Weapon: PWR is the physical damage dealt at close range. DEX determines damage dealt with ranged attacks. ArP is the percentage of armor piercing. Range determines the distance the weapon can be used. Wgt represents the speed of the weapon as well as the combined total of how much the class can fight with. The lower the Wgt the faster and more often the weapon makes attacks. The number for weight combined with a shield cannot exceed 10. The numbers are basic guidelines for the average stat of weapons of the same level. Using two weapons or a two handed weapon prevents the Valkry from using a shield. However the Gauntlets can be equipped.

Weapon	PWR	DEX	ArP	Range	Wgt
Shuriken	-	7	9	9	1
Kunai (x2)	3	6	5	8	2
Sai (x2)	4	-	5	1	3
Chakram	-	9	-	7	4
Axel (x2)	5	5	-	6	5
Nagamaki	6	3	1	5	6
Masakari	7	2	-	4	7
Naginata (2h)	8	-	2	2	8
Masakari (2h)	9	-	-	1	9

Shield: DEF represents additional armor. Agility is the bonus to dodge. Spike is the rating of available attachment *(Spike damage is the highest with Gauntlets, this is referenced to unarmed/disarmed strikes and shield bash attacks). RES represents the resistance of critical strikes. Wgt is combined with above.

Shield	DEF	Agility	Spike	RES	Wgt
Gauntlet	1	9	9*	1	1
Buckler	3	6	3	3	3
Round Shield	5	4	5	5	5
Full Shield	7	3	6	7	6
Tower Shield	9	1	7	9	7

Combos: Successful strikes in combat increase the Valkry’s combo point by 1. Valkry starting max combo is 4 and the max is 10. The Valkry starting combo slots are 1 and the max is 4.  Combos can be used instantly. All combo points release at the end of a combat encounter. Each combo will list a weapon that is used in the attack. The Valkry collects weapons of all sorts to use the exotic art of combos. The base damage is determined by the equipped weapons in the combo slots. The Valkry can switch between these weapons during combat as a normal action. The combo however does not require the Valkry to switch it is included in the attack. Most combos can be used at the range of the weapon being used unless otherwise noted.

Tetsu Bishi: Drops caltrops on the floor. The item level gives the base damage of the initial attack. It is triggered when a target moves through the afflicted area. Tetsu Bishi also inflicts a temporary reduction of movement and speed by a percentage based on the item. The Valkry and allies are not afflicted by this combo. Requires 1 Cp.

Jitte Cut: An instant attack made with a Sai. This attack firsts attempts to disarm the target and followed by an attack dealing base damage. Requires 2 Cp.

Mobeus Strike:  An instant attack with a Chakram or Axel. The Chakram deals base damage and with an additional 10% Arp. The chakram continues through and attacks target from behind dealing back attack base damage. Requires 3 Cp.

Gouge: Can be made with any Kunai, Sai, Nagamaki or Naginata. The Valkry instantly rends the flesh initial base damage and causes the target to bleed. Bleed inflicts base damage over 5 rounds. Requires 4 Cp.

Neko Te: An instant attack that can be made with two Kunai, Sai or Axel (or any combination of the two). If the Valkry is using any Sai the range is increased by 500% and deals its base damage as ranged. The Valkry invokes a finishing attack that deals base damage with each weapon.  Requires 4 Cp.

Shank:  An instant attack made with a Kunai or Sai but only at melee range. This attack counts as a critical strike dealing triple the normal amount of damage (instead of double). Requires 5 Cp.

Shield Breaker: An instant attack made with a thrown Masakari (excluding the 2h). The Valkry launches the Masakari dealing base damage with an additional 100% armor piercing. This attack also removes armored defenses from targets. If the target does not have an armored defense Shield Breaker reduces the armor of the target by 30%. Requires 5 Cp

Shield Bash: An instant attack with the shield. It deals base damage and stuns the target for 1 round. Requires  5 Cp.

Staple: An instant attack with a Nagamaki or Naginata. Deals base damage and the target is afflicted with immobility for 1 round and for the following 4 rounds speed/move is reduced by 50%. Requires 6 Cp.

Arc Slice: An instant attack with a Nagamaki or Naginata. Deals base damage to the four nearest targets.  Requires 7 Cp.

Kusari Gama: An instant attack a Masakari. The Masakari is bound with a chain and the range is increased by 500% and deals its base damage as ranged. Kusari Gama deals  50% base damage and retracts the target to the nearest space of the Valkry. Requires 8 Cp.

Squal Slash: An instant attack made with a Chakram or Axel. This attack deals base damage to all nearby targets within range. Requires 9 Cp.

Tekagi Shuko: An instant attack that can be made with two Kunai, Sai or Axel (or any combination of the two). If the Valkry is using any Sai the range is increased by 500% and deals its base damage as ranged. The Valkry invokes a finishing move that deals base damage with each weapon. If the target is ranged, the Valkry jumps to the target. The Valkry deals a swift kick as unarmed base damage followed by bleed attack when the Valkry removes the weapons from the target. The bleed deals base damage over 5 rounds. Requires 10 Cp.

Prowess of the Valkry: The ancient techniques of the Valkry are passed down and taught in each season. The Valkry learns to respect each deity associated with the four seasons. Each level the Valkry may choose which season to progress in. It is up to the Valkry to decide if there will be balance or not.

Grimfall: The Valkry fights with an ancient visage of war. The totem creates a wave of fear for lesser beings and taunts to fight the brave. The first level of advancement allows the Valkry to utilize the totem. Every advancement after increases the Valkry’s true strength.

Grimfall totem: The totem itself pulses out with a wave of fear making the enemies of the Valkry turn and run.  Foes not affected by the terror are then taunted to the totem. In addition the totem also reduces the strength of those who glare upon it. The Valkry collects more frightening parts to increase the golem’s effectiveness. It is up to the Valkry to find and discover new parts. The totem lasts for x rounds based on the level of Grimfall. The cool down is 10 rounds and is reduced by 1 round every ten advancements in Grimfall.

                Feather:  increases the distance of the fear/taunt and damage reduction.
                Bone: increases the totem’s hit points
                Teeth: increases the level of fear
                Claw: reduces strength

Winspree: The Valkry befriends the most prized of hunters. The beast obeys the Valkry forming a pact of loyalty to the death. Each level of advancement increases the Hunter’s abilities. Every advancement after increases the Valkry’s true dexterity.

Hunter: The familiar is summonable with a 20 round cool down. The base statistics are percentages of the Valkry’s powers.

Track: The Hunter gains the scent of a fallen foe. The Hunter can only have one scent at a time. The Hunter now gains Pincer Attack on foes of the same type. Pincer Attack allows the Hunter to deal back attack damage.

Ferocious Howl: The ecstasy of battle runs through the viens of any allies of the Hunter. The allies receive a speed bonus of 10% that lasts for x rounds based on the level of the Hunter. Cool down after the bonus expires is 10 rounds.

Viridean: The Valkry becomes one with the natural order of renewed life. The Valkry learns the respect of nature and all living life. Every advancement after increases the Valkry’s true stamina.

Sower:  The Valkry is overcome with natural sunlight, the nutritional soil, warmth, even the very air the Valkry breathes out. The Valkry is like a delicate lotus absorbing the world around it. Every round the Valkry regenerates 1% of the Valkry’s maximum health.

Bark Skin: The Valkry hardens the skin forming a layer of bark like a callus and the Valkry’s blood runs thick like sap. Defense is increased by 10% for x rounds based on the level of Viridean.

 Dehdri: The Valkry becomes the harbinger of death. The beginning of the cycle is just as important as the end to the Valkry. The Valkry becomes the reaper draining dry all magical essences. Every advancement after increases the Valkry’s true Skill

Dehydrate- Each attack in addition to weapon damage will also deal 10% of base damage to magical energy. Dehydrate deals an additional 1% of the base damage to magical energy for every advancement in Dehdri.

Bleak Flash: An instant attack that deals base weapon damage and counter’s any spell the target is casting. The target is also silenced for 1 additional round. Cool down is 10 rounds and is reduced by 1 round every advancement in Dehdri.

Lay Waste: An instant attack that deals base weapon damage and removes 1 beneficial magical affect.  Requires 3 Cp.

A Ghost Is Haunting Me Current mood:  crushed   I arrive. Its been a while, like it always has I can't believe how hard it is to open my eyes. The sun is masked by the clouds disguise. The orbital flare radiates on the lone vessel as he travels alone. Alone. Its awkward for once. The soft subtle silence of the dead not moving, not breathing... no longer living. He closes his eyes again as the vessel swerves down the maniac path. Oncoming traffic is a parody.   I go up against the grain.   I am home. What ever that means. My heart is no longer with me. He is alone, what ever that means. Ebony is no longer with me. Should have seen the signs. When a trace of her I could not find. The blast from the round echoes through the hallways. Like it a movie it plays. Inside my mind, it haunts me. Its like a ghost. Now I'm shivering inside because no else even comes close. I am the guy you should feel sorry for. I had the world and I thought that I wanted more. I owe it all to my mistakes. Foolish regrets.   I never gave up the hunt. I followed her until the ghost was found. All along I thought i was chasing her. Until I was found. Her blades never made a sound. My defenses were bound. I watched my eyes rebound. Across her body about to pound. She tracked me down like a hound. I lay like a broken pile of bodies on a mound. Lost. Only found.   Ebony went against her and lost. Cobalt watches as the silhouette settle, becomes a figure. Because a man and nothing more. There are tears staining his eyes. He is almost dead. The hallway is bare again. Empty again. Vacant, and desolate. She striked faster than possible. A roaring jaguar would have less stealth then her lethal strike. With more velocity than a cobra her fangs bit down and took a life. Cobalt held Ebony's hand while blood trailed down the path of tears. It was black.   If you want to get out alive. Run for your life. If I stay. I can only know, will I be burning on the inside? And if I go? I can only pray I'll make it to the other side. I bit off a little more than I could chew. Nothing is new. I wakened a beast. It turned and made me a feast. Shallow and immature I embark on a new adventure. Running. Hiding. I am haunted by something I cannot define. Nevermind.   When I retreat, all the memories fall to the floor like china cups. I don't even have a broom to sweep them up. The tears fall like leaves in the autumn sun. Withering away like a dead tree I start to see. The Ghost has been haunting me. Underwear, lingering in plain sight. A waft of fragrance that feels so right. It has to be her, the one I prefer. Who left these dishes in the sink? Do I really have to think? Who made my bed? Is she coming for my head? Will she quit before I'm dead? My panther has been fed. I can almost hear the words she said. I love you and I hate you. Then kissed me till I knew. Passion is a flame, more often a destructive tool. Her heart I cannot tame. I feel like such a fool. I lay in wait. Just to see my fate. Everything I touch. I start to miss her so much. When was she here? That moment I start to fear. Or is it just a coincidence? That she has already visited my residence?   The ghost is stalking me.